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Sunday, May 31, 2009

A week of mixed emotion

Dear Friends and Family,

As many of you already know, Lauri, Jeremy's mom died Monday. That afternoon we were all at the pool along with 2 of the kids' friends when Jeremy go the call. Lauri died sometime late that morning probably from a heart attack. Although it wasn't completely unexpected, we thought we still had several years with her. So the week was full of talking about Lauri, what she would like us to do, meeting with the mortuary, calling friends and family etc. What was finally decided was for Lauri to be cremated and then we are going up on June 20th to Idaho Falls (Ammon) to bury her ashes with her parents. Several family members and friends are going to be able to join us there.

Wednesday a friend took our kids and I along with Kelly spent the day clearing out Lauri's apartment at Jamestown. That night Jeremy and Jason went to move out all the furniture and paintings. It was a strange feeling to go through all her belongings and paperwork, return a huge stack of library books many of them half read etc. Right now our garage is full of furniture and our dining room table is covered with paperwork and family history as we figure out what to do with everything. I only really knew Lauri the last stage of her life. I was glad that I was able to know her long enough to truly appreciate bring a part of her life and the opportunity to give her the help that she often needed. As you can imagine Jeremy has struggled in many ways with emotions this week. With both parents now gone, its an end of an era. Lauri's health and happiness had really struggled these last few years so in many ways we are glad for her to be free of the pain and disabilities she faced here. She really did not enjoy how helpless she had become. It doesn't seem real in many ways to me yet, or to our kids I think because we are still doing so much for Lauri. I think eventually when everything is all settled that is when it will hit.

With Lauri gone, Jeremy came home Monday night from her place with Macho Man (her siamese cat) in tow. A LONG night ensued of cat emotion as Macho tried to make his place with our own cat and dog. Things have reached an uneasy truce. I am not sure if the cat lady we called who originally gave him to Lauri will be able to find him a new home. If not, I figure its one last thing we can do for Lauri. Macho is very affectionate but has claws which we are not used to.

Of course life continues even while dealing with Lauri's death. Monday morning we attended a ward patriotic service and kids politely listened to a National Guard pilot speak so they could get the doughnuts at the end. Then while on a sugar high we cleaned the office with very happy and jumpy kids (Allison and Spencer were all over the "come back for seconds when everyone is done" promise). We sold our old van which was sad in a way - lots of memories in that van. Then we headed off to another day at the pool. Jeremy brought his camera so lots of pictures to follow. After 2 hours at the pool is when we got the call about Lauri

Taylor still had school this week but the other kids didn't. So they played with friends a lot, ran a few errands, and mostly enjoyed being slugs with their books. Spencer is hooked onto Harry Potter book 5 and is trying to finish book 6 before the movie comes out in July. Allison is devouring comic books and Little House in the Big Woods. We had pack meeting this week and Spencer got his citizenship pin and led the flag ceremony. Spencer loves scouts and my girls love pack meeting with the excuse to run around with their friends and get treats at the end.

Tuesday night Jeremy and I had a temple cleaning assignment. Never done that before. We polished the crystals on the chandelier in the celestial room. Every 6 months they take it down, take it apart. Polish EVERY piece for a minute or two and remember some of those little crystals are very tiny and then put it back together. Its a 3 day process. 4 hours of extremely mind numbing work, but it was neat to do.

Friday Spencer had a psychiatrist appointment. He wants Spencer to start a mood journal, see a psychologist to work on his anger management skills and recommended a drug trial of Lamictal for him. I am thinking we will do the drug trial. It is one that has been mentioned before. Spencer is doing OK but I wouldn't say he is doing great. So we will see if it helps. The time involvement was my biggest hang-up but if it makes Spencer's and in the process our lives easier it would be worth it.

Then Spencer and Jeremy hitched up the trailer and took off for the father/son campout. They went right after lunch to reserve the space as it was first come first serve. Jeremy said Spencer had an amazing time and that Jeremy worked really hard to make sure he did! They rode the quad around a bunch with Spencer doing it by himself sometimes, they shot guns, ate junk food and in general were in boy heaven. Came home tired and very dirty. The girls, Taylor, Meredith and I spent the afternoon at the pool playing around and then returned home to continue playing with friends until bed time.

Still running but had a problem with my heel this week. By Thursday I couldn't put any weight on it. So I got heel inserts for my shoes and boringly rode our stationary bike waiting for it to heal up. My friend let me borrow her "Transfirmer" steps awhile ago and I really felt like it worked my muscles in new ways so I got one this week to try it out. With all these pool trips (and photo appearances in a swimsuit courtesy of Jeremy) I have been getting more motivated.

Last night Jeremy and I went on a completely frivolous date, something which hasn't happened lately as Meredith went to Spain for a month. We ate Cafe Rio Salad and watched Star Trek. Dad that needs to be on your list to see when you get off your mission. Half the reason we liked it so much was the nostalgia factor. But it was so nice to just relax and not think about anything serious beyond whether we should get vanilla or chocolate ice cream afterward.

Love to you all and thanks to all who have called/written this week.

Heather

2 comments:

Skeeutopia said...

I know how hard losing Mom can be. I honestly felt like I was so busy taking care of business/cleaning up and raising little boys, that I thought once I got a moment, it would hit me really hard. I have to say that it never came (maybe sometime in the future?). Perhaps my physical distance from her was what helped me cope since I didn't see her all the time, anyway. But I seriously mourned the loss of her daily phone call. That was heartbreaking. My brother has now filled that role, but of course, it will never be the same.
It's a relief when someone passes when they were dealing with so much physical anguish. I've come to realize that it's so selfish for me to want someone who was not enjoying her body to want to stay forever just for my sake and my desires. I just hope her memory stays strong with me forever and that I can pass on those memories to my own children because it's a horrible thing that they've not gotten to know her. Such a hard transition, right? But I wouldn't have it any other way because that would only take away from her importance and her legacy. Heavenly Father has a plan and I'm so glad that I had my mom as long as I did. What a blessing!

Dan, Mimi and Claire said...

You have been in our prayers every night. We love you all so very much and know that regardless of how poorly Lauri had been doing, it is still so very hard when someone you love is gone. I remember watching my aunt and her husband just deteriorating and knowing it was coming but still just being filled with such anguish when it did.

However, I know without a shadow of doubt all the people I love and miss will be right there, waiting for me when I walk through that door.

Love you guys.

And on a light note (if I can), Spencer holding a gun is a little scary. :)